The latest story about two bisexual dudes who like to dress up as Furries and plot to kill one’s parents while dreaming of having their cocks bitten off brought to you courtesy of the Lancashire Evening Post in the UK:

Christopher Monks, 24, wanted Shaun Skarnes to murder his parents Christopher and Elizabeth Monks while they slept and then perform an extreme sex act on him, Preston Crown Court was told.

The bisexual pair are alleged to have hatched the plot after meeting on an internet site about “Furries” – people who pretend to be animal characters and share sexual role-playing fantasies.

Prosecutor Dennis Watson QC told the court that while Skarnes carried out the attack, ex-Runshaw College student Monks stayed downstairs, deleting “incriminating” text messages.

He told the jury: “It may seem extreme that he wanted his penis bitten off, but there is ample evidence from websites he visited and conversations with Shaun Skarnes that this was a deeply held interest and one he found sexually stimulating.

Dude, what the fuck!? Overlooking the bisexual “Furriness” of this story and pushing past the fact that this kid wanted to murder his adoptive parents, let’s get right to the real point: why in the hell would you want some dude to bite your dick off? Please, somebody feel free to comment on this post and take a shot at explaining this one to me, because I am completely lost. You want to get dressed up like a gopher and beat off onto another guy dressed like a squirrel – hey, that’s great. Good for you…definitely a little fucked up…but good for you. You want to have your parents killed – again, fucked up and probably not the best route to take – but it’s been done before. Now, you want to have your manmeat bitten off as part of a sexual fantasy??? That’s just plain fucking weird and you need some help…but lucky for you, Randy will oblige!

Okay – so I know everyone is still drooling over Marisa Miller from last night’s 2009 ESPYs airing (and rightfully so), but I have to say…Miranda Kerr is fucking hot! This Australian supermodel and Victoria Secrets girl just plain does it for me. Check her out…

Son of a bitch! Why didn’t I come up with this? A door that flips into an insta-Beer Pong table? Fuck! And of all people some French dude comes up with this jackpot money-maker. Soon every college dorm room this side of the Atlantic will come equipped with one and this guy will be retired with 40 hot bitches on his mega yacht while I’m still wanking it to Boats N Hoes! pictures. Let me reiterate…SON OF A BITCH!

I bet you right after this interview Mark went home and threw in a huge pinch of skoal, smacked his kid up, fucked his wife while smoking a butt, took a shot of Evan Williams, drank 16 beers and fell asleep wrapped in his Confederate flag — but hey, it’s just a guess.

Leave a comment and let us know what you think – is Mark Muller a crazy son of a bitch or the gem of America?

*Special thanks to Big Daddy Dom for the video submission*

P.S. If you want a full list of the nominees, click here.

UK - At 6ft 7in Peter Crouch needs to bend down simply to look his 5ft 9in girlfriend in the eye.

But when the England striker went down on his knee it was for a much more romantic reason – to pop the question.

After four years together the couple have announced their engagement, with model Abbey said to have burst into tears at the proposal.

Who cares? Sure, the dude might be 6’7″ and goofy looking, but he makes millions of dollars playing soccer so of course she said yes. Anyway, this was really all just a clever ploy by me so I would have an excuse to post smoking hot pictures of Abbey. Damn I’m smart.

(Photo attributed to BBC)

BBC News - A former prison officer was forced out of her job after being bullied because she was pretty, a tribunal has heard.

Amitjo Kajla, 27, is claiming constructive dismissal after leaving her job in Brinsford Young Offenders’ Institution near Wolverhampton.

However former colleagues questioned her behaviour with male inmates and suggested she chose to reject advice about the dress code.

Is it just me, or is this chick sexy as hell? Give her a pair of handcuffs and have her throw some of that UK accent my way and she’s got ALL of my attention. But seriously though, I call shenanigans on this whole operation. Why would a 27 year-old girl who looks like this go into the business of being a prison officer? My guess here is that she’s got a thing for bad boys, which is why she is accused of ignoring the dress code and giving out her address. She probably figured that if the prison fired her while she was trying to bang an inmate, she could always fall back on the old “they fired me for being too pretty” excuse and land a paycheck in the process. Well, if she wants to get paid for banging bad boys I can only hope she stars in the next installment of “Jail Bait”.